Just when it seems like the commercial excess of winter holidays is winding down, along comes Valentine's Day and the advertising barrage of "stuff = love."
It's tempting to focus on material items, falling into the "give them all we can" trap. At times, between the giant, silver foil candies and the heart-shaped sugar cookies, simple love gets shoved into the shadows.
As parents, we fall into this mindset because we want to provide the most and the best life possible for our children (and the adults we love). Sometimes we doubt that teaching children how to express love and creating loving memories are the best we can give. Rest assured, loving moments are truly more valuable than any gift you can buy your child. Valentine's Day is a good place to start.
Cherished childhood moments are not made of expensive gifts or fancy parties, but of simple acts of snuggling, conversations, unhurried time spent together, and traditions repeated and passed down through the generations. Rather than buy something this year, make something - time and memories most of all.
Here are a few simple ways to show your child your love throughout the year:
• Express "I love you" in words and notes. A simple note that says, "I love you," under a pillow, in a backpack, or in a bag lunch can remind a child throughout the day of your love for her, even when you're not together.
• Be with your child. Are we just rushing from place to place and chore to chore? Even though it's difficult, turn off the television, put down the cell phone, and be with your child, rather than just near him. A simple place to start – have dinner as a family each night (even a few nights a week). Turn the television off and talk; talk about your day, your friends, maybe even take turns asking "what would you do if..." questions. Our Learning at Home Ideas is wonderful resource of activities for children at all ages and stages.
• Make something with your child - for Valentine's Day and any other day. It doesn't have to be a "Martha Stewart" moment. Keep it simple: make up a song while driving in the car, write a poem with refrigerator magnets, or cook a meal together. There is no need to be elaborate, just as long as it's focused time together.
• Celebrate your child's best efforts rather than focus on achievements. Consider when your child was an infant learning to walk. Surely you cheered every effort from pulling up, to walking while holding onto furniture, to her first steps. As children get older, we tend to focus more on accomplishments like grades or winning games than we do on efforts, like learning a new concept or being willing to try a new activity. Just think if the only time we celebrated our infant's ability to walk was when they could walk unassisted across a room. Be sure to offer words of encouragement to recognize your child's efforts, even if they don't result in winning achievements.
• Dream with your child. Remember as a child lying on your back and looking at the sky, naming the shapes of clouds floating by and thinking about life - just daydreaming. Simple thoughts and conversations can spark the imagination, plant a seed of curiosity, or begin a dream. Every job well done, every great act of generosity began with a thought, a dream. Hang out and dream with your child.
• Let go, listen, and laugh. Our schedules have become so hectic and our commitments so plentiful that we often become rigid in our routines and focused on what needs to get done rather than enjoying the present. Commit to slowing down, even if it's only one day a week, and letting the schedule go. Lie on the couch and read a book together even when there are dishes in the sink. Make up jokes together even when there is dusting to be done. Take a walk together and ask your child what he wants to talk about and listen intently, even if you had something else on your mind.
Teaching children how to express love can be a gift that lasts for a lifetime. Here are a few simple ways to teach your child how to express love throughout the year:
• Model and teach your child about love, friendship, kindness, and inclusion. Being a conscious role model is as important as any other teaching strategy. Show your child what it means to be a good friend, to include others, to demonstrate kindness.
• Express your love, gratitude, and compassion for the community. Giving and expressing love can be very powerful for both the giver and receiver. Think of ways to show gratitude, compassion, and love for the world and community.
• Be a good friend. School Valentine's Day parties are common and the trading of cards is an exciting activity in most classrooms. This is a great opportunity to help children think about friendships. Whether you purchase or make cards, sit with your child as she creates them and talk about her classmates and what it means to be a good friend.
The Role of Grandparents in a Child's Life
Parents and children of today face a very different world than those of the previous generation. Awareness of these differences can help today's parents navigate the role of grandparents in a child's life and, on the flip side, help grandparents play a special role in the family.
These days, health and safety issues are of much greater concern.
For example, today's grandparents who had children before 1967 took them to school, to the playground, and to their grandparents' homes without the benefit of seat belts or car seats. Given what we now know about the dangers of automobile travel, it is unthinkable that anyone, much less infants and toddlers, would travel this way.
In addition, for many parents, second-hand smoke was an unknown danger to their children. Now, aware of the health risks it poses, today's parents are becoming more conscious and making different decisions than their parents once did.
However, some things will never change - love, genuine concern, and dreams for our children. It's important for grandparents to check with their grown children and be in sync with their parenting.
Does this mean grandparents have to follow the rules at all times? Probably not. What grandchild doesn't like to stay up late at Grandpa's house, get another scoop of ice cream, or rent an extra DVD? Grandma's house can be a very special place with its own set of routines and rituals - it's not meant to be the same as home, but be certain that the fun is still within the parenting parameters set by the child's parents.
Communication and respect are key aspects of the grandparent to parent relationship.
If you're a parent:
- Check in with your parents and partner's parents. After you and your significant other, there is no one who loves your child more. Grandparents can be a wealth of knowledge - they've got you and your partner to prove it.
- Let them know your expectations for your child. Sometimes this is difficult to do. How do you tell your own mother, or mother-in-law, that you would like things done differently? The answer is honestly and respectfully. "Mom, we're concerned about the amount of sugar in juice, so we'd like him to drink milk or water for now. Thanks for listening." "Dad, we don't think that movie is suitable. Thanks for taking the girls skating instead."
If you're a grandparent:
- Find out what your child's (and partner's) expectations are for your time with the grandchildren.
- Are there routines that they'd like you to maintain? Knowing just the right sequence at bedtime may make the time infinitely more pleasant for you and your grandchild.
- Learn your grandchild's schedule. Knowing when meal time occurs, how much time the child needs to get ready for an event, when outside playtime is OK, and so forth will allow you to provide more consistency for your grandchild.
- Are there some activities that are taboo? You don't want to be the reason your grandchild loses privileges.
As grandparents, remember - your children are now the responsible adults who have created an entirely new nuclear family. You went through this process years ago, so remember how good it felt to be respected and have your decisions validated.
The Road Home
The trip home is a good time to talk about your child's day.
-Before you leave, look at the daily plans and try to ask your child's teacher for a highlight or two of the day. You can initiate the conversation, as children will often not volunteer this information. Even with nonverbal children, it is good and useful to say, "I heard you played with water today."
-Talk about what you will do when you get home so your child can visualize the next step.
-Don't rush the trip. After a structured day, let your child slow down a little.
-Take turns making the commute with your spouse or partner. It is helpful for each of you to have this time with your child, to get to know the child care situation, and to give each other a break.
-Hungry children (and adults) make lousy traveling companions. Keep a few nonperishable items in your car for snacks so that you don't have to remember to pack snacks each day.
-If your child becomes upset during the trip, it usually doesn't make sense to stop. Talk reassuringly to your child and let him or her know approximately when he or she will arrive home or at child care. Make your terms as concrete as possible: "We have to pass the water tower and the mall and then we will be at your center. I will take you out of your car seat as soon as we get there."
Music and Stories
• Music is obviously great for the car. Choose some CDs or audiotapes that you will both enjoy and won't get tired of.
• Singing in the car can be fun and a great shared language experience. You don't have to sing well, just have fun doing it. Made-up, silly songs are often favorites of children.
• Audiotapes of stories and poetry are available in libraries, bookstores, and children's toy stores. They don't replace great conversation, but are a great change of pace. You can also record your own.
• Expect that repetition will be important to your child. He or she will probably want to hear favorite songs and stories more often than you want to hear them.
Games
• Play with geography and landmarks. "I see the bridge. That means we are almost at the center!"
• For older preschoolers, make a game out of looking for certain things. You can look for letters, colors, or objects (taxi cabs, trucks, exit signs etc.).
• Think about what you want your child to learn and consider your messages. Pointing out the fast food outlets are fun for children, but is that the landscape on which you want them to focus?
• On the trip to the center, ask preschool children to predict who will be there and what will happen.
Commute Kits
*If you commute with your child by train or bus, pack (or have your child pack) a small travel bag of books, small one-piece toys or teethers for infants, and wipe-off boards (for example, "Etch-a-Sketch" makes a small travel-size version of their toy), or even a colorful clipboard with paper and a chunky pencil attached for older preschoolers. Make the contents of the bag special by reserving their use exclusively for the commute.
* If you have a longer commute, you may want to create an activity kit by punching holes across the bottom of several heavy-duty, resealable plastic bags and putting them in a three-ring binder. Fill each "bag" page with non-messy art supplies or toys.
New Car Seat Laws
There are some new car seat laws that were effective August 1st.
Please check out the links below so that you have the current information.
Car Seat Law Web page
Colorado Passenger Safety Law